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Public sector to be chained to their desks
Productivity in the public sector looks set to rise, thanks to Chancellor George Osborne’s plan to swap ‘golden handcuffs’ for ‘big rusty shackles’. Traditionally, workers in the public sector have...
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Ed Miliband tweets picture of himself eating food ‘like a real boy’
Early feeding simulations abandoned after Ed chewed through his strings.Labour’s Ed Miliband has jumped on the Osborne ‘Burgergate’ bandwagon, by tweeting a picture of himself with a portion of cheap...
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‘Bankers’ bonuses will help their cost of living crisis’, insists Osborne
George Osborne has tackled Labour’s ‘cost of living’ argument straight on today but refusing to limit bankers’ bonuses, allowing them to continue to live to a standard they have become accustomed. “I...
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Osborne’s ‘death tax’ cut too late for many Tory conference delegates.
George Osborne’s latest plans to woo back Tory voters with the abolition of the ‘death tax’ looks set to backfire as it comes too late for many of the delegates attending the party’s conference. With...
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Poverty to be limited to the poor, pledges Osborne.
Mwahaha, Mwahahahahaha. Ahahaha. George Osborne has pledged to eradicate all money problems for poor people after the next election by doing away with all money for poor people. “Clearly poor people...
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“Next time I’ll leave cling film on toilet seat” says Liam Byrne
Byrne after reading. Liam Byrne has spoken of his remorse at the ‘sorry, there’s no money left’ note, which he left behind for Chancellor George Osborne. In hindsight, Byrne admitted it was a crass...
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Food banks to open ‘mortgage banks’
Man cannot live by rental income alone. The charities behind food banks are planning to branch out, to help landlords targeted by the chancellor. Some landlords are down to their last nine or ten...
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Osborne’s u-turns on lunch order enters third day
A prominent politician has left a woman that serves gruel at her wit’s end, after repeatedly ordering the special and then insisting on steak. ‘Goodbye Gruel World’, a thin porridge emporium in...
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What does the budget mean for you?
These graphs mean we know what we’re talking about We don’t have the technical capability for fancy graphics and menus and stuff like that, so in order to explain what the new budget means for you we...
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